I’ll never forget that punch in the gut that I felt when I noticed that my grandmother had removed her wedding rings. My grandfather had passed on the previous year and as a teenager, I was struggling horribly with the fact that everyone around me was coming to terms with our huge loss. I must say though no matter how hard I was struggling my grandmother was struggling far more to discover her new normal.
When someone dies, not only are we striving to make sense of everything that has happened and dealing with our rollercoaster of emotions. At some point, we begin to realize that things simply are never going to be the same as they once were. Activities that we once did with that person can cause us pain, places we once went together no longer seem enjoyable and even certain sounds can cause us to tear up.
The fact is that we are struggling to find the new normal. That joy we once had. At times we even begin to feel guilty for allowing ourselves that little bit of happiness. As if learning to move on is somehow going to mean that we are forgetting that individual who has departed. It’s almost as though we feel we should forever feel the pain we are currently feeling.
Yet, we have to find a new normal so that we can move past all the pain. We can’t allow ourselves to stay in a constant state of mourning.
A Few Things to Remember When Being to Discover the New Normal:
- Take your time: Grieving a loved one takes time. Moving forward is going to take time as well. Allow yourself grace.
- Adjustments can and may have to be made: We may have to adjust our normal routines, give up certain activities for a season or even cancel some things and this is OK.
- It’s OK to let things go: It’s OK to walk away from certain projects that you used to do with the departed individual.
- Accept that things will change: Family gatherings will be different. In time they will be enjoyable but they are never truly the same.
- No one can define to you how long it should take for you to find your new normal: Just as no one can tell you how to feel, they also can not tell you how long it will take for you to discover your new normal.
In our own time and in our own ways we will smile again. We will dance again. We will even laugh again. Finding a new normal simply takes time.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,
This post is part of a book club study that I am going with my best friends Rosilind and Misty.The book is called “Grieving with Hope” written by Samuel J IV and Kathy Leonard. Each week we will be discussing each chapter on our sites and share what we are walking away with from that week’s reading. We would love it if you would join us on this journey.