When I discovered a dear friend of mine has passed away….I struggled. A lot. She had lived a life filled with the love of God, had a thriving online ministry and blessed everyone that knew her. Her footprint was/is far bigger than mine ever will be. I caught myself questioning God a lot the first few weeks. How is it that she had to leave? Why did she pass the way that she did? Why am I still here when she was far more worthy than I am to run a ministry? After all, if we are honest she was far more useful than I am.
Over the next few weeks, I continued to question God over the events that were stuck in my brain. Not only was I questioning God but I was questioning myself. Where do I go from here? How do I continue the work both of us had dedicated our lives to. I still ask these questions when I stroll down FB and someone has tagged her in a picture or memory. It also causes me to struggle when I come here to write. It’s safe to assume that some days God and I are on rocky ground. I still love Him with all my heart but oh how I am confused.
During this week’s reading and my questioning, I was reminded of a few things.
- Every event serves a purpose: We don’t meet people by accident. We don’t have events happen in our lives by chance. Though my heart is broken I know that my sweet friend was placed in my life for a reason. Our chats, prayer sessions and silly moments helped me to grow closer to God and to become more of the wife and mom my family needs.
- Every life is part of the ultimate picture: A loved one may be gone but those seeds they have planted in our lives are still there, growing and producing fruit within us. In time we to will plant our seeds into others lives.
- There is always an ultimate plan: During loss, this is a hard one to remember. Yet, God has a reason for everything. He also doesn’t make mistakes. This can be evident to us all through our day to day lives when we take the time to reflect.
- God is in complete control: My heart may be hurting but God still has me right there blanketed in His grace and helping me to move on and forward. I serve a God who placed each star in the sky and knows the number of hairs on my head.
- I take comfort in my goodbye not being forever: I will see my sweet friend again and next time I will never have to say goodbye again.
This road of grief isn’t easy. Discovering a new normal is tough. Yet, I have faith. Faith that God will never leave me and that even though I am questioning things now that He is still holding me tight.
Until Next Time Just Keep Soaring 4 Him,