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As most of you know I have been covering Submission Myths for the past month. I racked my brain and have been in deep prayer about how to end this series. Then it hit me. I would let my husband write the final post for me. Sometimes a man’s point of view really brings things home. His assignment was clear. Write whatever God laid on his heart. So with that, I would like to introduce you to my husband……………………….
Submissive Wives From A Man’s Point Of View
I was tasked with writing this post on submissive wives from a male point of view and I thought to myself I really don’t know much about the topic from a Christian standpoint that is and so my study began. I have always been opposed to the idea albeit form more of a secular standpoint. I always felt the idea that men have to be in charge sexist, old-fashioned, and sorely outdated. These thoughts I must admit were quite selfish as I abhor the responsibility of leadership. I much prefer to be a follower. The more I thought about this the more it felt like I was putting Gods words aside for what I wanted. It started to feel like more of a fight against my old self and the self God wanted me to be. He was calling me to lead my family. So I began to think back and I noticed I wasn’t taking an active role in leading my families to walk with God I was just kinda along for the ride. My wife was doing the devotions and prayers alone with my kids. I was starting to hear Gods call everywhere begging me to step up. Sunday school lesson after the lesson was calling me. My Sunday school teacher started singling me out to answer questions and even asked me to lead a prayer which was unheard of because everyone knows I hate speaking in public. The comment was made in class the very next Sunday that “Your relationship with Jesus Must be personal but it can not be Private!” I heard the very thing several days later on the radio. I was listening and God now had my full attention and so my study was kicked into overdrive. I started slowly stepping into my biblical role and things seemed to start running a little smoother.Now I must tell you I fought this for some time harder than I had before and things got very turbulent in my home. It was reminiscent of the friction in my home before I came to know Jesus. I was confused why are things going so wrong? I came to realize it was because I was bucking Gods word. Its hard to deny (if you truly study Gods word) the divine order and mandate that a man lead his family.
1 Corinthians 11:3-But I want you to know that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of the woman, and God is the head of Christ.
Ephesians 5:23- For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
As I thought about the change I had witnessed in my wife as she grew closer to the Lord I saw that most of the change I had witnessed in her actually related to this very topic. When we first met and came to know each other I was attracted to her decisive nature and her stubbornness. I was attracted to her sense of self and what she wanted. I also grew to understand why that can be a bad thing for a marriage. We were constantly at odds and fighting over everything. Every decision was an argument, no every decision was a Battle of wills. Our marriage suffered greatly for it and we nearly called it quits many times. We weren’t able to agree on anything large or small. I didn’t realize it then but someone had to lead. Several years later my wife gave her life to Christ. I didn’t realize it at the time but that was a turning point in our marriage. The arguments didn’t necessarily end because my wife had a new battle to fight…..for my salvation. I didn’t put it together at the time but things became more peaceful in our life except when the topic of religion was addressed and then it was a battle but it was a different kind of battle. It was more of a battle with myself than with her. As I look back it seemed more out of love than selfishness or anger. I think back to all the times I made a decision and played out the argument in my mind ready to find all possible angles of defense of my position only to find that no argument ensued. I was confused and baffled. Whats going on I thought? My thought process began to slowly change I began to become more confident making a decision and not trying to defend it before it even left my mouth. She still had opinions and thoughts of her own but things became a discussion not an argument and as long as it didn’t go against the Bible the final decision was mine. I no longer had need of all the defenses I was devising in my head. My whole way of thinking was becoming pointless. Unbeknownst to me, my heart was also being changed. I never demanded this change or asked for it in any way it was given to me freely. Nor have I ever abused this gift or taken advantage of it. Submission is not a violent act or an act of power over someone else that is oppression, not submission. We can’t pick and choose scripture.
Must we be reminded how the Bible defines love….
Love is patient, love is kind.
Love does not envy,
is not boastful, is not conceited,
does not act improperly,
is not selfish, is not provoked,
and does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love finds no joy in unrighteousness
but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
I see nothing in there about pain, humiliation, violence, or intolerance.
I was not yet a Christian so I didn’t truly understand why these things were happening but the fact that they were was slowly changing my perspective. The simple fact of my wife acting this way was giving me an example of the submission I am called to give the Lord. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time but it surely was changing me. I know some people think submission means your a slave but slaves do what they are forced to do not what they want to freely do. Submission is given freely. God doesn’t force us to follow him he gives us free will to decided on our own. The change from the woman who stumbled on the words “obey” in our vows to this new creature was night and day. As I came to the Lord I still fought with this whole concept. When she asked me to write this I think either she or God or both knew exactly what they were doing. I began to engross myself in Gods word and grow closer to him and her. The strength it must take to put yourself aside and give yourself over to someone else astounds me. I can’t help but notice the parallel that we are all called to give ourselves over to Christ in that same way. Which has made me see that I have been abandoning my call to do the same?
Lord, I’m so sorry that I have been desperately holding on to myself. I give it all to you take it and use it to do your will. I am yours and though I refused to ever fully admit it I now submit myself to your will not my own.
To My Wife:
I want to thank my wife for this challenge. Thank you so much, you will never know how much your example has changed me. You saved my life by showing me that my life was never mine, to begin with. I love you.
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Submissive Wife Myths Confronted
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